‘Offspring’ – Being Bridely

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If you’re not an ‘Offspring’ fan, I have one word for you – Why?

It’s with great sadness that we’ve had to bid farewell to another cracking season laced with high drama, love and more drama. And just when you thought it couldn’t get better; a wedding but not just any old wedding – a ‘Proudman’ wedding.

Billie Proudman (played by Kat Stewart), made an exquisite bride in her jaw-dropping J’Aton dress, teamed with elegant hair and fresh, pretty make-up. But it was her ‘Brideliness’ that was the real tour-de-force. As Billie knows, when the going gets tough, the tough get Bridely.

So, as we are heading into bridal season; a few tips ‘Billie Proudman’ style on how to maintain our serene Bridely best.- Do not let the sudden exit (to God knows where) of lay-about, pants-man brother and best man (moments before you are due to walk down the aisle), get you hot and flustered. I’m sure he had something very important to do. Remain Bridely, in the car, until he returns.

– When Rocket the kelpie (and soon to be step-son) eats the Peking duck canapies and other treats (i.e. all the food), take a deep breath and say out loud:  “I am serene. I am Bridely.”

– When the ownner returns to her proeprty to find you dressed up in Bridely glory with bridal party and guests perfroming a betrothal, then angrily boots you to the curb, show your serenity and Brideliness by simply grabbing the wedding decor and head for ’plan B’ – your trusty ‘local’.

– If it all gets too much and cracks in the Bridely veneer can be seen, do allow a small melt-down (perhaps a gut wrenching sob), on the toilet floor of your ‘local’. Get all that unbrideliness out of your system before picking yourself up again, and showing everyone just how bloody Bridely you can be.

– And finally, if your mother in-law is playing with your head and being an A-grade bitch; show her whose running this show. Don’t be afraid to give her a whopping big piece of your mind. Let her know that no-one messes with Bridely.

Then, marry the only man in this world who loves you despite your antics and explosive tendancies; and for better or worse stick with him until ‘death do you part’.

A couple of products for all the Bridely ones:

M.A.C. Patisserie lipstick RRP 35.00: The perfect Bridely colour. Sheer, creamy and glossy.

By Terry Amber Rose Liquid Blush RRP 110.oo: Bridely blush that does not budge. Resistant to tears, tantrums and tiaras and in a very Bridely shimmery pink.

 

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