Diets of Shame

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Glammies, I must come clean. I have done it again – fallen for the hype and the pressure of “Getting my Beach Body” on. I have succumbed to not one but two diets. Simultaneously. Yes, having had a shaky start on the Michelle Bridges’ (it was to commence on a Monday, but I joined in on the Thursday – it happens!), I rationalised that if I’m going to be this hopeless on one diet, let’s get on another because two wrongs could possibly make a right. One feeble attempt at MB’s program combined with a more strict type of detox scenario that included meal replacements (shakes) and several days of “cleansing” (starvation) – hi, as if I was going to stick to THAT – would equal one successful diet. You do the math. It’s sheer genius!

But of course they’re not diets, are they? They’re “a way of life”. Funny, because normally around this time, in my way of life, I am EATING lunch instead of drinking it via herbal “cleansing” tea! (Starved aggression taken out on keyboard.) But you try dieting in December! It’s totally murderous. I mean what is one going to do? Sip her protein shake at get-togethers? Pass on the champagne? (I am now hallucinating – the keyboard has just morphed into a block of cheese and I thought my herbal tea was a glass of Shiraz- where am I?)

Look, I’m not proud of the slippery slope down diet lane. We’ve been there SO many times before, and we all know where this is going to end. You may recall my victory speech earlier this year proclaiming the end of the seesaw of diets ( Well I am only human, and when the sun shines and the temperatures sore, I too want to look like a hot-cake (cake…mmm) in a bikini. Or, at this stage fully attired in a cute summer dress. I mean I can’t even expose an upper-arm in this present state. And how is that going to work in a sea of sleeveless?

After doing a job on Bondi beach on a particularly glorious day in November, being surrounded by toned, golden-bronzed bods attired in tiny string bikinis – I mean these girls were born beach ready (Brazilians normally are), the cogs started turning – I can’t do another summer feeling blimpey. It wasn’t too late to rescue this mission. It made perfect sense to take action and get on board the Michelle Bridges’ train starting late November. If she can’t get my arse into gear, who can?

The lovely promo producer on this shoot had testified that it was indeed an easy diet to follow, with recipes, shopping lists plus allocations for snacks so you don’t feel hungry (snacks…). I had also learnt that a friend from school who had battled obesity throughout her whole life had just lost 40kilos on MB’s program. But haven’t we done a 12 week transformation before? Shhhh…. Hush negative internal monologue, this time it will be different.

As it turns out Michelle Bridges’ program is all those things, but I of course did not do the necessary tasks pre-commencement, and then there was the small misfire of starting late. The recipes are great. Yes, there is a certain amount of prep, but Bridges makes it as easy as not eating whatever you like can be. May have overlooked the exercise program. It kind of slipped between the cracks. No one’s perfect.

Anyway, vulnerable about my failings on Michelle and it only being the second week, I fell prey to diet number 2: Isagenix. Again through association with some girls who had notable success and swore I would feel like a million bucks and shed kilos quickly. They had me at “quickly”.

Again, a great program. And my combining the shakes with a Michelle Bridges’ meal of a night-time was really, just a stroke of fat-burning brilliance. So I thought. May not have comprehended the two days of “cleansing” when I signed on the dotted line. But, hey, small print. And now I’ve just chewed on some “chocolate” tablet thing and can finish this blog without anymore pesky hallucinations. Good times.

So how has this “genius” plan worked out for me? Had I committed to MB’s program, I would be in the fourth week and potentially could have lost 4 kilos. Instead, as of last week I had put on a third of a kilo. I think there is something in that for all of us.

However, it’s not over till the fat lady sings (pardon the pun). Isagenix could very well save the day.

Must go. It’s time for another delicious, cleansing, herbal tea. Yummy.

2 thoughts on “Diets of Shame

  1. Hi, i read your blog from time to time and i own a similar one and i was just wondering if you get a lot of spam comments? If so how do you protect against it, any plugin or anything you can advise? I get so much lately it’s driving me mad so any help is very much appreciated.

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