Brides Behaving Badly: Part One

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As most make-up artists will tell you, we are neck-deep in Bridal season. And don’t get me wrong, I lurve me a wedding – being a part of a special occasion, making everyone look amazing and receiving much adulation for doing so; but then there’s also the times of ‘putting-out-fires’ with soothing words of reason, garnished from eons of experience.

I did a wedding last week that required these very skills. Yet despite my calm demeanor and the learned ability, when the poop-hits-the-fan, to just switch off and enter the tranquil place – where the only thing that really matters is blending that eye-shadow to absolute perfection; these crazy-cats nearly pushed this cool customer over. And I’m pretty sure the old-school Hungarian hairdresser is now a brickies labourer somewhere far, far away.

Staking Your Territory

You can’t really tell as you enter the family home, if and when things will go awry. Yes, you may have been dealing with a nervy control-freak-bride for some months, yet The Day arrives and you are pleasantly surprised that she’s either worn her ‘bitch’ out, or she’s on Valium but she appears calm if not jovial. Then there is the bride who appeared normal at the outset – had a handle on everything – yet on The Day, has now grown a second head and is a total warlord. Another indication on how things could go is where they ‘put’ you (the most bloody important person of the day). Having had a trial, the bride-to-be soon realises by looking upon your vast kit, that it’s going to take a truckload of make-up to make her and friends look amazing so as to walk down that aisle. Therefore, it always surprises me when I arrive and I’m ushered into a bathroom or brought in it to a dusty office with no light, and nowhere to set up. Hello! My 40 kilo kit needs to be spread out before me like a sprawling banquet, so I can pick at it accordingly. You’ll look better for it.

Food and Beverages

When you go to work, for say 6-8 hours, you quite like the prospect of having lunch. A little coffee perhaps, to get you in the mood. It’s exactly the same with us. Make-up and hair people like to eat, drink coffee and anything else that’s going.
I remember doing a wedding at an absolute mansion. The bride’s timing was way out. She did what I always recommend brides not to do: go to a hair salon to get the hair-did. It’s imperative, unless the salon is in walking distance from where you are getting ready, that trades come to you on this most memorable day. Traffic and other variables can turn the exercise of visiting a hairdresser into a giant pooh-fight.

Anyway, getting back to bridey, who allocated 2 hrs to do 8 people and, by the way, a larger girl getting married in the height of summer and wearing a long-sleeved dress (at least she didn’t do strapless as so many of her fuller-figured counterparts have done). The south-american housekeeper kindly brought me out a plate of food and water, but when I heard that glorious sound: the pop of a champagne bottle, and saw a plethora of crystal flutes being filled with the happy bubbles of pink Moet, I naturally waited with bated breath for mine. And wait was all I did as I threw on make-up in record speed, watching everyone around me necking Moet. I mean, I could smell it and was literally chomping-at-the bit for even a mouthful. Here’s a tip: Your make-up artist works better with a glass or two of Champagne. Don’t be stingy with the bubbles. It looks bad.


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